On November 11 (11.11.01), I met my ex-husband. And I was so focused on how we met on such a special day, that I overrode my intuition and feelings and stayed with him - and eventually married him - despite a ton of internal reservations.
I talk all the time about how when we are disconnected from our intuition, we are in a state of constantly gaslighting ourselves.
The root of this disconnect can be lots of different things: early childhood programming, abusive relationships, fear, trauma, etc. It’s to the benefit of most external systems to keep you disconnected from yourself so you do what they want, but it’s to the benefit of YOU (and everyone around you) to figure out how to connect with yourself.
The consequences of this disconnect can be small (like eating something that makes you sick after your body screamed at you to not) or huge (like marrying someone not right for you), but they are all a symptom of the same problem.
So I will say one very important thing today:
Nothing outside of you will ever lead you to yourself.
The work of all of us is to learn not only how to hear but also to listen. To trust that what you are hearing - even though it might not be what others want from you - is what is right for you. And to conjure the courage to live in a way that is aligned with your heart.
Because here’s the thing…I created suffering for myself, my ex-husband and our families because I chose to believe an external sign instead of my heart. If I had the courage to trust my intuition, I would never have stayed in a situation that wasn’t right for me. And I know from the depths of my being that if it wasn’t right for me, it wasn’t right for him.
Doing the work to get clear on who you truly are is what will lead you to the life of your dreams. We all make mistakes on the way to learning - and those mistakes are okay and even good. They are part of the process of figuring it all out. But if we continue to make the same mistakes and do nothing to figure it out, we begin to intentionally cause suffering (even if it’s not our explicit intention). And that, in a word, sucks.